Avoid This Common BIG Mistake When Trying to Feel Better

Gail Garwood — Sun, 22 Jan 2023 15:33:13 +0000

In trying to feel better people make one BIG mistake.

When trying to feel better, people exile parts of themselves. They attempt to disown or repress their troublesome feelings.

They say to themselves (or perhaps to others). “I feel sad. I don’t want to feel sad.” “I don’t want to feel (fill in the blank) angry, shame, helpless, powerless…”

When these emotions are strong, they flood our internal systems, making us feel bad. In this case, these strong emotions are hard to handle, of course we don’t want to feel this way.

Here’s a Secret:

In trying to get rid of those troublesome emotions or thoughts, the emotion of these parts just gets louder. And they can’t heal.

Right about now, you may be saying to yourself, “But what if I really don’t want to feel that way.”

Here is what you CAN do instead.

I’ll let you in a little secret: when parts are witnessed, they calm down.

When we are able to hear the voice of the different parts of ourselves and are able to hear our inner dialogue without judgment these parts begin to heal. We begin to heal.

If you get in the habit of listening to your inner dialogue, the parts will calm down more quickly. If you are upset by something, this process can lend itself to a faster repair of any internal ruptures you may be experiencing.

You Can’t Get There From Here

Gail Garwood — Wed, 25 May 2022 07:00:27 +0000

There are many people who think that the way to mental health is to get rid of difficult to handle parts of themselves.

They say, “I hate feeling sad.” Or, “I hate being scared all of the time.”

At first glance, I totally get it. These emotions get in the way of feeling your best self.

I am not taking issue with your desire to change these emotions. The problem I see is that your emotions, unlike that pesky fly you can swat away, only get louder when suppressed or denied a voice. It doesn’t heal them. And when you keep pushing them down, there will be a time when these feelings come up loud and strong when you don’t want them to.

So, what is a better way of handling parts of yourself that other parts in your internal system finds troublesome?

Take a moment and guess....

Here is what I have learned from working with my own and many other people’s internal systems through an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens...

“Once you witness a part, hear its story, it will automatically calm down.”

So before you try to swat a part away... hear its story.

It does not matter whether you are working with your own emotions or your client’s. It is a good idea to witness what a part is carrying before you ask it to step back.

There are several ways to give your parts a voice and hear their story.

One way is to check inside and see how you are feeling and why you feel that way. Or for therapists, assist your clients in this process.

Another way is to journal.

Remember, parts that you witness calm down. Parts that you try to get rid of get louder.

Gail Garwood – Garwood Counseling

Avoid This Common BIG Mistake When Trying to Feel Better

You Can’t Get There From Here