Garwood Counseling

Avoid This Common BIG Mistake When Trying to Feel Better

Gail Garwood — Sun, 22 Jan 2023 15:33:13 +0000

In trying to feel better people make one BIG mistake.

When trying to feel better, people exile parts of themselves. They attempt to disown or repress their troublesome feelings.

They say to themselves (or perhaps to others). “I feel sad. I don’t want to feel sad.” “I don’t want to feel (fill in the blank) angry, shame, helpless, powerless…”

When these emotions are strong, they flood our internal systems, making us feel bad. In this case, these strong emotions are hard to handle, of course we don’t want to feel this way.

Here’s a Secret:

In trying to get rid of those troublesome emotions or thoughts, the emotion of these parts just gets louder. And they can’t heal.

Right about now, you may be saying to yourself, “But what if I really don’t want to feel that way.”

Here is what you CAN do instead.

I’ll let you in a little secret: when parts are witnessed, they calm down.

When we are able to hear the voice of the different parts of ourselves and are able to hear our inner dialogue without judgment these parts begin to heal. We begin to heal.

If you get in the habit of listening to your inner dialogue, the parts will calm down more quickly. If you are upset by something, this process can lend itself to a faster repair of any internal ruptures you may be experiencing.

You Can’t Get There From Here

Gail Garwood — Wed, 25 May 2022 07:00:27 +0000

There are many people who think that the way to mental health is to get rid of difficult to handle parts of themselves.

They say, “I hate feeling sad.” Or, “I hate being scared all of the time.”

At first glance, I totally get it. These emotions get in the way of feeling your best self.

I am not taking issue with your desire to change these emotions. The problem I see is that your emotions, unlike that pesky fly you can swat away, only get louder when suppressed or denied a voice. It doesn’t heal them. And when you keep pushing them down, there will be a time when these feelings come up loud and strong when you don’t want them to.

So, what is a better way of handling parts of yourself that other parts in your internal system finds troublesome?

Take a moment and guess....

Here is what I have learned from working with my own and many other people’s internal systems through an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens...

“Once you witness a part, hear its story, it will automatically calm down.”

So before you try to swat a part away... hear its story.

It does not matter whether you are working with your own emotions or your client’s. It is a good idea to witness what a part is carrying before you ask it to step back.

There are several ways to give your parts a voice and hear their story.

One way is to check inside and see how you are feeling and why you feel that way. Or for therapists, assist your clients in this process.

Another way is to journal.

Remember, parts that you witness calm down. Parts that you try to get rid of get louder.

How I work in Individual Therapy

Garwood Counseling — Tue, 10 Sep 2019 20:14:18 +0000

My hypothesis: Our reaction to what is triggered in us is the main cause of conflict or problems with others.

Strong internal reactions get in the way of accomplishing what we want in life and from connecting with others in the way we want. We try to repress, get rid of parts of ourselves, those feelings or thoughts that don’t feel good. However, in doing so things don’t get better. They stay the same, or worse, these strong feelings take over unexpectedly. This only causes more conflict - internally and externally.

I have learned that when I have strong emotions, to listen inside; to begin to hear and better understand why I’m upset - versus suppressing these feelings. When I do this, the emotions calm down. Only then will internal harmony be possible. By becoming more aware of your unconscious needs, feeling the pain of the unmet need and spending time on self-care we begin healing internal wounds. Through tiny little internal shifts we begin to repair and revitalize, leading to changes in how we act and react in the future.

I can teach you how to calm and befriend the parts of you that are often repressed. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to lessen pain and decrease reactivity?

How I work with individuals who are part of a couple

Garwood Counseling — Mon, 09 Sep 2019 00:35:58 +0000

What if I told you that relationships go through predictable stages and even working with one person in the couple in individual therapy can help you navigate even the most difficult issues that you are facing? People often wait until they have been mired in their conflict or problems for years before they reach out for help. Or, they have tried many things and feel stuck, at an impasse and not sure what to do now.

We go into relationships with good intentions, hoping to finally have the connection that we so long for. Our patterns of interactions create misunderstandings and conflict. We oftentimes try to change our partner to be what we want and feel frustrated and angry when that does not happen. Sometimes it is difficult to find the love or the ember of passion that we crave or that brought us to our partner to begin with. I can help you better understand what is getting in the way of you connecting with your partner in the way that you desire.

With your commitment to modify the things you are doing that are not working, you can transform the overall functioning of your relationship. I can help you to build trust and insight that will make communication safer. I will share with you a toolkit of strategies to improve communication. Through building the trust needed to delve into tough-to-discuss issues, an opening will be made for a more compassionate relationship. You’ll go away with a better understanding of who you are, what you want and ways to negotiate your differences.

Here is what I oﬀer

I enjoy helping clients understand themselves and their partner better and learn ways to change patterns that aren’t working. The first thing that has to happen is to take the emphasis of change away from trying to change your partner and learn to accept and heal your own pain. I assist you in better understanding your own reactions and repairing the repercussions of old hurts that keep getting triggered now. I provide tools that decrease the occurrence of reactive behaviors and other things that couples do that causes their partner pain. This leads to an improvement in your interactions with each other and increases the chances of resolving your differences. I will coach you on how you can work as a team in collaboration, increase your comfort in exposing your insecurities and learn ways you can support yourself and your partner when they are in pain.

Let me help you reach your goals

Garwood Counseling — Sun, 08 Sep 2019 00:05:17 +0000

Create your dream with yourself and in relationship. Remove obstacles to living your life with more joy!

If you are seeking deep fundamental change, and are seeking the tools to make change a reality call me at 319-332-2055.