Garwood Counseling

Living with Integrity Improves Relationships

Gail Garwood — Fri, 26 Jun 2026 20:47:11 +0000

Having integrity mean living honestly as yourself. It means sharing your thoughts, feelings, values and beliefs. You also stand up for yourself or set boundaries in line with these. To have this, you first have to build selfawareness.

Many people go along to get along, disregarding what their gut or intuition is telling them. They may feel miserable because their desires or wishes don’t get fulfilled.

You can use this concept in your relationships whether it is with your partner, your child or your friend. It could also pertain to your work relationships, with your boss or that coworker you find it hard to be around.

This does not give you permission to be aggressive or walk all over somebody else’s desires, wishes, or needs. Really, the only control you have if what you will or won’t do.

How do you stand up for yourself if you don’t know what you think or how
you feel?

Additionally, did you know that the top indicator of divorce is when a couple never disagrees?

Why is that? My guess is because someone is backing down or doing something called “fawning” where they give into the other person to keep the peace.

In the long run both parties lose because eventually there will be enough resentment built up between them that at least one person in the couple will stop wanting to be around the other.

This week, take the time to notice when you are giving in when somebody else has a different opinion.

Hint: there may be times when expressing an opinion is not appropriate.
Speaking your mind does not mean throwing ugly words or being aggressive to others.

PS This may be a good time to mention that I do workshops on this and other “Living Your Best Self” topics. Put yourself on the Interest/waiting list if you’re dealing with ongoing pain or stress and want therapeutic support.

Improve yourself in order to improve your relationships. Please click on the provided link to express your interest. I’ll share more details as the event approaches.

What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business

Gail Garwood — Fri, 26 Jun 2026 20:45:19 +0000

So, why do I believe this statement is true?

Our nervous system is constantly working to maintain balance. We have a protective internal system, called the polyvagal system. It automatically functions without our conscious thought once we perceive danger. When this happens, cortisol and adrenaline are released, triggering our fight,
flight, or freeze response.

In the past, this response was triggered only by physical danger, like when cavemen and women faced threats. However, now, it can be triggered by any indication that our self-concept or self-image is in danger.

When our autonomic system is functioning optimally, we feel balanced and content. But when it goes offline, we may experience anger, anxiety, shutdown, or shame.

Let’s consider an example. Imagine you need to call your neighbors. How would you feel about it? Your response depends on your comfort level with them. If you’re fond of them, you might be excited about contacting them.

But if you dislike your neighbor or have a resistance to interacting with them, you might cringe internally or put it off for now. Our automatic or autonomic nervous system is being triggered, the we feel anxious, angry, or shut down.

This demonstrates how our internal system acts and reacts. Now, imagine how your neighbors might respond to you calling them. Their internal system may activate a flight, fight, or freeze response to hear from you.

They can only act in line with whether their system detects danger or they feel calm.

We all seek comfort and calm for our nervous systems. Our actions are in response to our autonomic nervous system’s perceptions, and we do this to keep ourselves out of danger.

Your reaction may vary depending on your day or how stressed you are feeling at the moment.

So, back to the purpose of writing this blog. It’s about not taking things personally.

Next time you have a negative or positive reaction to someone, recognize that it’s your reaction. Take responsibility for it. My suggestion: Own it!

Examples of Self-Care Practices: Simple Habits That Can Improve Your Well-Being

Gail Garwood — Fri, 26 Jun 2026 20:38:22 +0000

When people hear the term self-care, they often picture expensive spa days or weekend getaways. While those can certainly be enjoyable, true self-care is much simpler. It is the daily practice of taking care of your physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual well-being so you can better handle life's challenges.

The good news is that self-care doesn't have to take hours out of your day. Small, intentional habits can have a lasting impact on your health, relationships, and overall happiness.

Prioritize Quality Sleep

Sleep is one of the most overlooked forms of self-care. Your body and mind need adequate rest to recover, process emotions, and prepare for each new day. Most adults benefit from seven to nine hours of quality sleep each night.

Creating a consistent bedtime routine, limiting screen time before bed, and keeping your bedroom cool and quiet can help improve your sleep quality.

Nourish Your Body

What you eat directly affects your energy, mood, and ability to focus. A balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and plenty of water gives your body the nutrients it needs to function at its best.

Healthy eating isn't about perfection. It's about making better choices more often than not.

Stay Connected with Others

Humans are created for connection. Spending time with family, friends, coworkers, or volunteering in your community can reduce feelings of loneliness and improve emotional well-being.

Even a simple phone call, lunch with a friend, or meaningful conversation can lift your spirits and remind you that you're not alone.

Make Time for Physical Activity

Exercise benefits far more than your physical health. Regular movement helps reduce stress, improve mood, boost energy, and promote better sleep.

You don't have to spend hours in the gym. Walking, biking, gardening, swimming, yoga, or even dancing around the house are all excellent ways to stay active.

Balance Social Time and Solitude

Everyone recharges differently. Some people gain energy from being around others, while others need quiet time to recover after social activities.

Learning whether you lean more toward introversion or extroversion can help you recognize when you need connection and when you need solitude. Both are important for maintaining emotional balance.

Give Yourself Permission to Recharge

Life is busy, and many people feel guilty taking time for themselves. However, rest is not laziness. It is necessary.

Find activities that help you slow down and recharge. Consider:

Taking a walk in nature
Reading a good book
Listening to calming music
Practicing prayer or meditation
Taking a relaxing bath
Journaling your thoughts
Enjoying a favorite hobby

These moments allow your mind and body to recover from the demands of everyday life.

Start Small This Week

Looking at a long list of healthy habits can feel overwhelming. Instead of trying to change everything at once, choose one area of self-care that needs the most attention.

Commit to practicing that habit this week. Keep a simple journal or log of how you feel before and after making the change. You may notice improvements in your energy, mood, focus, or relationships.

Small, consistent steps often lead to the greatest long-term results.

Self-Care Is an Investment in Your Health

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It's one of the best investments you can make in your physical and emotional well-being. When you care for yourself, you're better equipped to care for your family, perform well at work, support your friends, and enjoy life more fully.

Remember, self-care doesn't require perfection. It simply requires intention. Start where you are, take one small step today, and continue building healthy habits that support a happier, healthier life.

Avoid This Common BIG Mistake When Trying to Feel Better

Gail Garwood — Sun, 22 Jan 2023 15:33:13 +0000

In trying to feel better people make one BIG mistake.

When trying to feel better, people exile parts of themselves. They attempt to disown or repress their troublesome feelings.

They say to themselves (or perhaps to others). “I feel sad. I don’t want to feel sad.” “I don’t want to feel (fill in the blank) angry, shame, helpless, powerless…”

When these emotions are strong, they flood our internal systems, making us feel bad. In this case, these strong emotions are hard to handle, of course we don’t want to feel this way.

Here’s a Secret:

In trying to get rid of those troublesome emotions or thoughts, the emotion of these parts just gets louder. And they can’t heal.

Right about now, you may be saying to yourself, “But what if I really don’t want to feel that way.”

Here is what you CAN do instead.

I’ll let you in a little secret: when parts are witnessed, they calm down.

When we are able to hear the voice of the different parts of ourselves and are able to hear our inner dialogue without judgment these parts begin to heal. We begin to heal.

If you get in the habit of listening to your inner dialogue, the parts will calm down more quickly. If you are upset by something, this process can lend itself to a faster repair of any internal ruptures you may be experiencing.

You Can’t Get There From Here

Gail Garwood — Wed, 25 May 2022 07:00:27 +0000

There are many people who think that the way to mental health is to get rid of difficult to handle parts of themselves.

They say, “I hate feeling sad.” Or, “I hate being scared all of the time.”

At first glance, I totally get it. These emotions get in the way of feeling your best self.

I am not taking issue with your desire to change these emotions. The problem I see is that your emotions, unlike that pesky fly you can swat away, only get louder when suppressed or denied a voice. It doesn’t heal them. And when you keep pushing them down, there will be a time when these feelings come up loud and strong when you don’t want them to.

So, what is a better way of handling parts of yourself that other parts in your internal system finds troublesome?

Take a moment and guess....

Here is what I have learned from working with my own and many other people’s internal systems through an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens...

“Once you witness a part, hear its story, it will automatically calm down.”

So before you try to swat a part away... hear its story.

It does not matter whether you are working with your own emotions or your client’s. It is a good idea to witness what a part is carrying before you ask it to step back.

There are several ways to give your parts a voice and hear their story.

One way is to check inside and see how you are feeling and why you feel that way. Or for therapists, assist your clients in this process.

Another way is to journal.

Remember, parts that you witness calm down. Parts that you try to get rid of get louder.

How I work in Individual Therapy

Garwood Counseling — Tue, 10 Sep 2019 20:14:18 +0000

My hypothesis: Our reaction to what is triggered in us is the main cause of conflict or problems with others.

Strong internal reactions get in the way of accomplishing what we want in life and from connecting with others in the way we want. We try to repress, get rid of parts of ourselves, those feelings or thoughts that don’t feel good. However, in doing so things don’t get better. They stay the same, or worse, these strong feelings take over unexpectedly. This only causes more conflict - internally and externally.

I have learned that when I have strong emotions, to listen inside; to begin to hear and better understand why I’m upset - versus suppressing these feelings. When I do this, the emotions calm down. Only then will internal harmony be possible. By becoming more aware of your unconscious needs, feeling the pain of the unmet need and spending time on self-care we begin healing internal wounds. Through tiny little internal shifts we begin to repair and revitalize, leading to changes in how we act and react in the future.

I can teach you how to calm and befriend the parts of you that are often repressed. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to lessen pain and decrease reactivity?

How I work with individuals who are part of a couple

Garwood Counseling — Mon, 09 Sep 2019 00:35:58 +0000

What if I told you that relationships go through predictable stages and even working with one person in the couple in individual therapy can help you navigate even the most difficult issues that you are facing? People often wait until they have been mired in their conflict or problems for years before they reach out for help. Or, they have tried many things and feel stuck, at an impasse and not sure what to do now.

We go into relationships with good intentions, hoping to finally have the connection that we so long for. Our patterns of interactions create misunderstandings and conflict. We oftentimes try to change our partner to be what we want and feel frustrated and angry when that does not happen. Sometimes it is difficult to find the love or the ember of passion that we crave or that brought us to our partner to begin with. I can help you better understand what is getting in the way of you connecting with your partner in the way that you desire.

With your commitment to modify the things you are doing that are not working, you can transform the overall functioning of your relationship. I can help you to build trust and insight that will make communication safer. I will share with you a toolkit of strategies to improve communication. Through building the trust needed to delve into tough-to-discuss issues, an opening will be made for a more compassionate relationship. You’ll go away with a better understanding of who you are, what you want and ways to negotiate your differences.

Here is what I oﬀer

I enjoy helping clients understand themselves and their partner better and learn ways to change patterns that aren’t working. The first thing that has to happen is to take the emphasis of change away from trying to change your partner and learn to accept and heal your own pain. I assist you in better understanding your own reactions and repairing the repercussions of old hurts that keep getting triggered now. I provide tools that decrease the occurrence of reactive behaviors and other things that couples do that causes their partner pain. This leads to an improvement in your interactions with each other and increases the chances of resolving your differences. I will coach you on how you can work as a team in collaboration, increase your comfort in exposing your insecurities and learn ways you can support yourself and your partner when they are in pain.

Let me help you reach your goals

Garwood Counseling — Sun, 08 Sep 2019 00:05:17 +0000

Create your dream with yourself and in relationship. Remove obstacles to living your life with more joy!

If you are seeking deep fundamental change, and are seeking the tools to make change a reality call me at 319-332-2055.